The MRTS: "Love vs. Respect - What Men Really Crave From Relationships"

In this deeply authentic conversation, our men's panel explores why men struggle to express emotions and build meaningful relationships. We examine how men often prioritize respect over love and unpack the challenging journey toward vulnerability and trust.

• Men typically value respect over love in relationships, which can lead to misunderstandings with partners
• Past hurts and betrayals make many men hesitant to open up emotionally, fearing vulnerability will be weaponized against them
• Some men feel inadequate in relationships due to childhood abandonment or father wounds
• Building deep male friendships requires intentionality, clear boundaries, and shared values
• Learning to listen without defensiveness is crucial for healing relationships
• The core lie many men believe is "I am not enough," which affects all their relationships

We encourage you to take action by reaching out to other men in your community. Start or join a small group where you can have these conversations regularly - this monthly podcast is meant to inspire local, ongoing brotherhood.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Panel Introductions
• 6:14 Why Men Struggle With Emotional Expression
• 19:34 Respect vs. Love in Relationships
• 29:44 The Challenge of Deep Male Friendships
• 51:17 Building Trust After Past Hurts
• 1:10:13 Areas of Relational Healing We're Working On
• 1:17:56 Closing Thoughts and Vision

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:10

Welcome back to the men's roundtable podcast. We are back in the business again. Good to see you guys in the house, man, we are have a good time tonight. Good to see you guys in the house, man, we are having a good time tonight. Before we get into the topic for today, just because some folks are watching and listening for the first time, take a quick moment, be as brief as you can. You better know who you are you're telling what you do and tell them why you're excited about this podcast. Man, go ahead. I'm calling style Whoever's up first.

Speaker 2: 0:42

Go for it All right, right, I'll go ahead and break the ice. Thank you, sir. Uh, my name is nick ferloni. I'm here, uh, outside of philly and, um, I'm a 13 year army veteran, and then now I work in ministry as well and, uh, and I have my um coaching business for men, for both life and finances as well, and that's what I'm doing.

Speaker 1: 1:07

Good stuff, nick, thanks Next.

Speaker 3: 1:11

I'll go. My name is Adam Fierstein, I run Brand AF, which is Brand Adam Fierstein, and we focus on Christ consciousness.

Speaker 1: 1:19

Thank you, Adam Next.

Speaker 4: 1:21

I'll go next, john Janakis. I am in Charleston, south Carolina. Yousef and I see each other every Sunday morning and my wife and I are dean ministers and we minister to marriages.

Speaker 1: 1:35

All right, thank you, john. Next.

Speaker 5: 1:39

Well, I'm Rod Corbett, also from the Charleston area. I see Mr Gu and John every Sunday morning as well. Been working in the environmental area for about 20 years now and I just I'm an aspiring author like motivating people and young men just to bring the best out of each other.

Speaker 1: 2:01

I love it. Thank you, who's up next?

Speaker 6: 2:06

I'll go.

Speaker 1: 2:06

It's down to's up. Next he's down, michael TO in the more options.

Speaker 6: 2:11

Nah, to's the best. Let's save the best for last. But my name is Mike Stevenson. I'm with Bremen Brand. It's a branding agency and marketing agency out of New York and we help people find their voice and find the right people to hear that voice, while still helping out the youth. Every percentage of every dime that we get goes back to youth organizations to help them grow and nurture them, because they are the future. So grow the business, grow your community.

Speaker 1: 2:40

Love it.

Speaker 6: 2:41

Tio.

Speaker 7: 2:45

How y'all doing out there. I'm Timothy TO Clay, the owner of Lightbulb Lessons. What is light? Love, intellect, greatness, health and truth. And I'm a leadership coach. You know I'm a 25 year retired United States Marine Sergeant Major, retired from the Marine Corps, and I said, man, I want to continue to do what I've always done and that's lead, and we help individuals develop as leaders in the home, workplace and community. So excited to be here with you, fellows, tonight.

Speaker 1: 3:16

Absolutely. Thank you, brother. I appreciate that so much. Man, look this podcast and I know that you guys already get it. You either watched it or you've been a part of the panel before you get this.

Speaker 1: 3:30

This is a safe space for us, so we just talk about it. I don't know how deep we're going to get from month to month, it just happens it's a monthly show, so we kind of just come back every month and we talk about issues that are germane to men, come back every month and we talk about issues that are germane to men and relationships is a tough one, man. So I want to take as much time as we need to kind of flatten this out and kind of get some insights into this, maybe perhaps help each other and those that are watching and listening. So I want to get into this. I know that as men, we got to develop strong and healthy relationships. It's important but we struggle with the whole idea of that. We struggle with partnerships. We we struggle with the whole idea of that. We struggle with partnerships. We even struggle with the family dynamic. We are here on social media lying and I'm just kind of tired of seeing it. I'm like that's not what's happening. I mean no, personally. You're lying.

Speaker 8: 4:18

It's not what it is.

Speaker 1: 4:20

It's one thing to say. You know what I want to speak positive and not negative about my situation, that's one thing. Speaking in faith is not a problem, but when you're doing no work to go with the faith, that's the problem. So I want to get into the whole uh relationship idea how we create healthy relationships, how we maintain them and hopefully, somewhere near the end, kind of get some ideas from you guys on what you did to overcome that, what you're still working on, things like that. Before we do that, we got some people that's jumping in the comments section. Sure, ron's in the house talking about to you. Hey man, so the person you see on the whole panel is to you. That's all you see.

Speaker 7: 4:58

No, I'll get him, you all get him, it's all good.

Speaker 1: 5:02

Thank you, sure. Hello, life show. Getting for that, it's all good. Thank you, true, that's right, the low life show, my guy right there. Thank you for your service, gentlemen, in both the us military and the army of god, your contributions are valued. That's justin laugusa man, aka dl. No life podcast of the fantastic show man. Check it out. When you get a chance, let's go ahead and jump in man. Oh, we got that. Okay, chap, can you do a quick introduction? Real quick, man. We already did them already. Can you do a quick introduction real quick, man? We already get them already. Can?

Speaker 8: 5:27

you do record. Hello everyone. My name is felice matthew. I am a christian counselor, chaplain and consultant and basically we help couples, leaders and organizations communicate effectively, fairly and respectfully. How y'all doing man good man.

Speaker 1: 5:41

Good to see you again. Bro bc in the house said what's good brothers? Good to see you, brian. Thank you for jumping in, man. All right, so here we are. We'll be kicking it off, man. Let me start off with a question. Why do you think it's hard for men to express emotions in relationships? Let's start there.

Speaker 1: 6:04

I ain't got no jeopardy music, man, so you're on your own I thought you were gonna start easy it gets it gets it gets a little bit more difficult, but it's gonna be fine, go ahead I, I kind of prepared a little bit.

Speaker 2: 6:21

Um, never had a doubt. You know, one of the things that I think, uh, as men, um, we resonate in in very general terms, but we resonate with the word respect more than we resonate with the word love. I think love is something that women desire a lot more, because they look at it as feelings and security and provision towards them and all of that. That that is love. For us, it's respect, and we want respect. I think if our woman turned around and said, honey, not only do I love you, I respect you, that would go so far already. I mean, when another guy tells you, hey, man, I love you, that's just like give me a high five, like whatever, but you say, man, I respect you. That goes so much further in the depths of a man's heart and there's a level that we will go to ends of the earth to make sure that we gain respect versus gaining love. So I think that that plays a dynamic and I'm just gonna throw that right into the middle, right there, and work off well for anybody jump scene real quick.

Speaker 1: 7:34

I want to ask you a question about that, cuz I'm not challenging them, just asking the question why do you like that? Is that something that we can turn around? Do we walk to me? I think we do want love, but it's not, doesn't seem to be higher on a priority list. You're thinking, or it's just?

Speaker 2: 7:50

I think it's the way we're wired.

Speaker 2: 7:51

I think it's the way that god has wired us um, and our in our typical roles, the way that, um, you know, men more often than women will identify ourselves by what we do and then how well we do it, and so respect really goes hand in hand a lot with that. Love is a lot more women are desiring that family, nature and home and everything, and of course, these are all very general terms. I've definitely met women that are very career driven and all that, and there's nothing wrong with that. But I think, in a very general aspect, it's the way that God has designed both of us to compliment one another, and so when we have respect in the home, then one of the byproducts of that is that we give love to our wives and so and that going together right there kind of works out. I don't know if I said that the best, but I hope you got the idea.

Speaker 3: 8:49

I agree with you, nick. I think also that respect speaks to, supports and really funds leadership, and God did wire us to be the leaders in our household and leaders in our communities and I think when a woman respects a man and other people around us respect us, it speaks directly to the accomplishment of what really our birthright in part not all of it, but in part speaks to.

Speaker 6: 9:14

I think it's also the love language, right? You touched on it, nick, when you said they identify it with feelings and emotions and we identify it with respect. So part of the language that we speak and what we associate love with and in your terms, in which I agree with is partially respect, and that's how we identify that form of love.

Speaker 5: 10:29

And I agree with everyone. I really think it is big about respect. Initially I would say we were wired that way or we were conditioned that way. But when you say God made us that way, it made me think and I thought about the scriptures and y'all can correct me if I'm wrong or point me in the right direction, but I always see where he says husband loves your wives, but he says wives respect your husband.

Speaker 5: 10:59

I'm trying to remember where it says wives love your husband. I remember him saying respect your husband. So even from the beginning I believe that's the way it was supposed to be, that we actually view respect as love, because I'm more of the don't talk about it, be about it type person, so you can tell me you love me all day long. But if I don't feel the respect or I don't see it, then those are just words. It means absolutely nothing to me. But, like you said, just scripturally, I'm thinking I've I've only seen what he said respect your husbands. I'm not seeing where.

Speaker 8: 11:36

I don't remember where he said love your husband there's um, that's a good point that you brought up there's a scripture in there that says love your husband, but not in the, not in the agape love. There is no commandment for a wife to love their husbands with the agape love, but that command is given for a wife to love their husbands with the agape love, but that command is given for a man to love their wives with the agape love, which to me kind of implies, at least in my belief, that women don't really have to be taught that. You know, I mean, they can carry life Right. What are we going to do? That's going to have that type of love right in their bodies? But yeah, I think it is, um, it's a testament to what you said. It was actually a study on it where they asked um, a thousand men, thousand women, would you rather be loved not respected, or respected and not loved? Generally speaking, most men said respected and not loved, and most women said loved and not respected. So I think I think is um, yeah, I think there's a lot of, I guess, philosophical and practical evidence that kind of points to that scripture you mentioned. I'm gonna go completely at a different angle, guys, I'm I'm going at a different angle.

Speaker 8: 12:42

Sometimes it is difficult for men to express their emotions because some women weaponize the information that they have of their men. I'm just, I'm just gonna throw it out there. You know, I'm not, I'm Haitian American. I'm not known for being tactful, that's not. That's not what our culture is known for, but I'm just gonna throw it out there. Yes, you know, I get beat up on social media all the time when I give both sides. But look, I just call it like I see it, because in my belief, all have fallen short of the glory of God. So that all includes both men and women. We often find women talking about bad leaders. We often don't find people talking about bad followers.

Speaker 8: 13:21

So my point in saying is that a lot of times, a lot of times, men don't open up because it's what some women has caused. They weaponize that information to control, to manipulate, to dictate and if you love me, you'll do x, y and z, because, hey, you did x, y and b for this and that. So a lot of times and I'm not saying that women are the only ones that you know weaponize information I'm just saying that that is a factor. We've been burnt by the information that we've opened up to it and now we're not going to say, oh, I'm going to open up twice as hard next time.

Speaker 8: 13:54

No, we say, oh, so that's what happens when I open up, got it Right. So that's, that's one reason. That's one reason. Now there are some women who are cherish that information and never leak it out, and there are some women who is worthy of you opening up that way. I'm just saying that there are some women, too that you know, don't have the best intentions with that emotion that that you've released to them, and that I think that needs to talk, be talked about more sure who's up next.

Speaker 4: 14:26

it's actually something I struggle with for a long being able to express my thoughts, my feelings, my emotions and not just to women, to anybody. And I think in many cases we take from our examples our parents primarily and if our fathers were expressive, if they expressed emotions, if they express their feelings, then in many cases we might follow that example. But you know, being being the gray-headed guy on this panel, I'm a bit old school. My father was even more old school. We didn't. We didn't say what we felt. We we just stiff up the lip, we grinned and buried it. We took all the pressure, we internalized it and that almost ruined my marriage. It almost completely ruined my marriage.

Speaker 4: 15:20

Because you know how my wife interpreted that as Indifference. She thought I didn't care about our relationship. She didn't think I cared enough about her to let her know what I was going through, what I was feeling. I was just doing life on my own. And, based on her upbringing, she had a very indifferent father as well, who committed suicide when she was 13. She pretty much grew up without a dad, so she had some abandonment issues. And what did I do? I didn't tell her what I thought. I didn't tell her how I felt. I didn't express myself. So she felt that that was like abandonment. So it can really torpedo us if we don't.

Speaker 4: 16:07

And I had to learn that and over time I have learned to be able to share with my wife what I'm thinking, what I'm feeling, what I'm going through, the pressure I'm under, how I felt about her, how I felt about all sorts of things. It transformed our relationship. That was really missing. So I think it can be very common, although I agree with what all you gentlemen have said as far as that tends to be our nature as men. But that's something that we got to overcome. We really have to overcome If we want to have relationships. Or you can be a solo writer out there, right, and just try and go it alone, but that is not biblical. It really is not biblical. So I'll say that I've I've overcome and I continue to work on it, but I think it can can really torpedo relationships if we don't.

Speaker 6: 17:03

John, I think the only reason why you think that you're the oldest one here with the gray hair is because I got all my hair cut off.

Speaker 1: 17:13

Start that and just say that I'm naturally used for looking, so he doesn't even know how old I am.

Speaker 6: 17:20

See what I'm saying Nick's got the salt and pepper. Look, it looks good on him. I can't give you the credit of saying that you're the most intelligent individual in this room. What I will say is that I do agree. You know, I've been married now for 15 years. I've been with my wife for no thank you for about 20 something odd years.

Speaker 6: 17:45

But like we, like everybody else, you know you have your ups, you have your downs, and I always struggle to be able to clearly communicate my feelings, cause, just like every other man in here, you know you're taught like that's not something that we do, like your job is to nurture and to lead your household. You know feelings that that's on her, not on you, and you're right. Like every time that I try to open up, it feels like, like mr chaplin said, like you know, kind of like a trap. Like you say like, oh, I feel this. And then the next thing, you know you shouldn't feel that. And why do you feel that? And it's are you saying that it's my fault? And all of a sudden, like it becomes this blown out argument.

Speaker 6: 18:28

I just, I just said one plus one equals two. Like it becomes this blown out argument. I just, I just said one plus one equals two. And now now we're in a fight, right, and I think it in in our nature. We try to avoid that because it's not necessary, like we didn't even want to open up. We just wanted to stay firm and we did it so that we could respect our wives and try to open up communication. And then we get that You're just like oh, I don't even know where that came from. It was just like the sneaky under hit, but that's on me. I don't know if you guys can agree on that.

Speaker 3: 19:02

I agree. I agree exactly with the chaplain too. I have a wife and four daughters. All of them are now adults. I've watched them weaponize, expressing themselves. It's been weaponized against me probably in the last two hours. Absolutely, it happens.

Speaker 3: 19:19

The question, though, is and one of the things that we talk about all the time is, we have this little mantra. It seems kind of oversimplified, but it's fear shrinks, love grows, gratitude powers, everything right. And so the reason why we break it down that way is like okay, your wife, you've opened up, you've become vulnerable. Your wife recorded that in a way that only women can. And three years later, when you have long since forgot about it at all, here it comes, and it comes in the in the form of a smack in the side of the head. So then the question becomes when you, when you react to that, is it fear or love? Right?

Speaker 3: 19:53

If we're afraid of that now, maybe we don't like to admit that, but if we're going to shrink, if we're going to withdraw that information, if we're not going to be vulnerable in front of our wives, then our world has shrunk, our relationship has been severed on some level, or at least it's got a little bit of distance that didn't exist before. So I would propose the question, fully admitting that that happens regularly. Clearly I haven't solved that as a problem. I think it's inherent and so there isn't necessarily a solution to keep it from happening. But then how do we respond to that? What do we do to keep the channels open to keep the separation from occurring, but respond to it with leadership? Channels open to keep the separation from occurring, but respond to it with leadership, respect, kindness, but also firmness to the degree that, try as you may, that's not going to force me into fear and it certainly isn't going to force me to shrink. Just an idea.

Speaker 5: 20:44

Okay, I want to speak into what you're saying there because I agree with you, you're 100% on that. It's still a learning process and I'm growing through it. One of the things since we're in the nitty gritty and we're talking about actual marriage relationships one of the things that has helped me with that is, for one, I had to learn to stop being so defensive. Number one, then number two I had to realize as far as on my end, you have to be careful. It's not always what you say, but it's very, very, very important how you say it. And when you understand your wife's love language and you begin to learn her own language, you learn how to communicate certain things. Like. It's still a work in progress for me then then the second I mean the third part of that is once you, you basically get rid of the defensiveness.

Speaker 5: 21:44

This is your wife and if you've chosen correctly, you have to understand that some things are going to come and it's going to hurt. But iron sharpens iron and if you know how iron is sharpened, that's very rough sometimes and we all have some rough edges that sometimes have to be smoothed over. So some of the things she may hit you with OK, are you doing this to tear me down or are you doing this to help build me? And nine times out of 10, like I say, if you've chosen right, your wife is there to help build you. That's what she does. Whatever you give her, she's going to multiply.

Speaker 5: 22:27

So it's still a work in progress, but that's that's what has changed my mindset on it and, just like John said earlier, not opening up it has a way to torpedo your relationship. So it's something that, yeah, we may be conditioned this way. Yeah, there's certain things that we're wired, but we can't use that as an excuse. The question is do you want to grow? Yeah, do you guys want to build an empire, or do you just want to be a, a one man on the Island? Basically is what I would say.

Speaker 5: 23:00

But I just wanted to speak to that Good stuff Rod.

Speaker 1: 23:04

Good stuff. I've got a question on the floor from DL Nick. Are you speaking to that or are you speaking about something else? Either way is fine.

Speaker 2: 23:11

It's kind of both. I do want to address what we see on the screen down here. Do you, fellas, think that it's possible that we are so focused on self that we just expect the other sex to read our minds and respond how we want? And also, in the context of what we were talking about, I think that there's like a happy medium Completely shutting off and not speaking to our wives and letting them know what's in our mind and in our thoughts and and feelings, and all of that can be detrimental, right, um? But I think that there's also a reverse side of that. If we turn into a waterfall and just start dumping everything oh, this happened when I was three you know everything on them, they're also going to turn around and be like what did I marry?

Speaker 2: 23:59

There's a level they don't want all of that and we need to find a different Avenue to to dump some of that stuff. That that's not our. Our wife does not want everything. They may want some of it at the at the moment, and so there is a level that I think we do have to be smart of. What do we, what is something that our wife is going to take on and hear and understand and get in context? And then what do we not need to dump on her, because she's got her own stuff and everything. And how much are we going to dump on her shoulders? And so there's like, there's like a weird medium. What the answer is is I don't know, and I think in every situation you've got to find that for yourself. But that's why we need to have brothers. You know, iron sharpens, iron right, as you brought up.

Speaker 2: 24:46

And so iron and iron, not iron and copper, right, which is a softer metal. It's still metal, but's it's softer. It doesn't work that way. So you need another brother that you can go to. And hey, man, I'm going through all of this and it's not something I want to dump on my wife, right, you can let her know surface level, but maybe, like the, in the deep, deep stuff. That's where you need another brother that you can really trust in and get manly feedback on. Like, hey, bro, we got this, let's, let's tighten this up. Whatever you know, don't project that on your wife, all that kind of good stuff.

Speaker 2: 25:27

And so there I'm just in the middle on that, um, with respect to do, we think that she's going to read our minds. I think that we do sometimes internalize it that way because that's a fear that we always have. It's like they expect us to read their mind a lot, and that's a lot of our frustration. They won't say no, they'll just pout away somewhere. What does that mean? Was that at the kids or was that at me? What is going on? I can't read her mind, but they expect it because they're like I don't want you to do the dishes, I want you to want to do the dishes you know, or something like that, like I want you to want to do that and it's like, but I don't, but I will do it, but I don't want to, and you want me to want to do, wait what I'm lost, you know, kind of.

Speaker 2: 26:16

And I think, because we see them do that to us, then we reverse it in a way. I think sometimes, uh, as well, like I need, well, then I need her to nurture me and do all this kind of thing, and there's a level of like no, she still wants you be the man, to be the provider, be the stable rock for the house, and so if you just come in there and go, oh, this happened when I was three and I just can't handle it.

Speaker 2: 26:40

My boss yelled at me today blah, blah, blah and all this kind of stuff and she just go are you, you okay? Do I need to call one of your friends? Because I don't. I can't handle it. There's a level we don't need to dump everything on them, and then there's a level that we do need to inform them so that they don't act or just wander off and go. What's going on? Why is he upset? So they need to know some. They don't need to know all. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 27:08

I want her to want to have me watch football September to February every year. I want her to want that for me, no interruptions. But any other points on this question that you want to touch on? You think Anything else? If not, I want to touch on what Nick started. I think he's in my notes, but I want to go on to another heavy topic for us, so, but to move on to that that, you want to answer this question any further?

Speaker 5: 27:37

well, real quick, um, answering to that that we absolutely do need brothers. But then that also brings up another issue with brothers as well, and I say that because that's been one of my problems. Um and with that. We're still talking about respect, but we also comes into loyalty, because there are some brothers out there that we can weaponize that against you as well. You know the song, old song double crosses smile on your face and all the time they want to take your place.

Speaker 8: 28:17

You know so yeah, just just throw that out there.

Speaker 1: 28:21

So all right. Well, you said you sat in the table for us because this is a, this one got a little weight to it. But I'm not going to ask you guys why you think many men struggle with deep relationships. I want to talk about how you guys see that, how you been seeing it, because I know that some of you got friend or baby and Bobo from back in the day and those are your friends, everything but we're going to exclude them today because that's not. You were still in your formative years trying to figure out who you were and you were tested, post that maybe, perhaps weren't best for you and just decide as adults. Have you, uh, reckon yourself to the fact that you need deep friendships in your life and have you done anything to show the evidence of that? Did that make sense? Yeah, as an, as an adult?

Speaker 5: 29:12

okay, somebody speak to that real quick as an adult um, I definitely Somebody speak to that real quick. As an adult, I definitely have realized that I need to make connections. It was actually something me and my wife had spoken about. The other thing is I haven't really found any of my peers as far as people that I connect with at this day and age. Well, I see you making that face, you? Well, what? What I mean? Is you wanna say that? Yeah, I do want to say that. What I mean is everybody, everybody that I connect with. There's a reason for it.

Speaker 5: 29:47

Everybody that I've been connected with, they're normally older than me and, uh, and that's the reason, the reason for that I also is because the relationship between me and my father was not there.

Speaker 5: 30:02

It's something that we're now beginning to build. So it's certain things that I need from an older man to teach me or to show me that wasn't there. So I seem to gravitate to someone that's a little more wiser than I am. That have been what I've been and I've kind of, you know, that has become my circle and yeah, and I definitely need that, especially on the spiritual aspect, like I was just speaking of, even when I look at my grandfathers, none of them were spiritual, they had great attributes, they taught me certain things, but when it came to being the priest of the home, leading the family, godly, I have no example of that whatsoever. So it's like I'm reaching out for that now and that's what I've been gravitating toward, and I just happen to realize, like most of the people that I connect with, they're anywhere from five to 15 years older than me at this stage in life.

Speaker 7: 31:05

So, ok, how old are you, brother?

Speaker 5: 31:08

I'm 42 currently. Ok, now we are 43 in November.

Speaker 6: 31:14

All right, thank you for sharing that brother. That was deep. What I would say is, as I get older, I try to lessen my circle because it's quality over quantity, my circle because it's quality over quantity, and Brother TO and I had this conversation in person and we talked about. After a while you get to an age and people tell you who they are. When somebody tells you who they are, listen, you have to be careful in rl I guess this goes to you too and it sounds like you're doing it is is be careful who you put in that circle, because you know, as we open up or we try to open up to people as men, you know when when nick said brothers, a brother could be from blood or not. But if you consider someone a brother, make sure that you define what a brother is to you before you go searching for a brother, if that makes sense, because then when you find that brother figure or that father figure, they meet that criteria that you need all right, who's up next?

Speaker 1: 35:22

deep friendships with other men that's what we're talking about.

Speaker 7: 35:25

I'll jump on that. And I, first and foremost, man, I've been taking a lot of notes and I've learned to try to listen more than than talk, because I love you too, brother. But no, I'm just. I'm just saying I mean listening to the first question and sitting here really reflecting and asking myself, man, how have I, you know, maintain my marriage over all these years, my relationship and, and for those that know, my wife and I, you know and if you don't, my wife is also a Marine and we met at Paris Island in South Carolina as drill instructors, right. So the dynamics of our relationship, when you start talking about respect, you start talking about love, you start talking about character. We've had our jousting matches when it comes to that and emotionally, I've never had an issue with being emotional and talking to her about how the hell I feel, and I think a lot of that for me is as a young man. You know, I love hip hop. I used to write, write, you know, a lot of raps and making music with friends, so that expression of being able to write a lot and be able to express my feelings on paper through something as simple as writing raps.

Speaker 7: 37:01

As I began to grow older, I realized that man, sometimes I feel like the woman in the day-one relationship because I'm spewing out. Like the good brother Nick said, I'm the one that's spewing out, and sometimes my wife, she looking at me quiet as heck, like man, are you done? But what I've learned is that man, a closed mouth doesn't get fed bro. And I think every relationship, obviously, as we all brothers know, every relationship is different. Man, like I said, my wife, she's a Marine bro, and I don't say that lightly, I don't say that in, oh all Marines are these crazy hardcore. No, I'm not saying that. But I know my wife bro, when it comes to those certain attributes that she possesses. It's many years had us like this and the only reason why that woman is upstairs right now with my children is because, the grace of God, that's the only reason.

Speaker 7: 38:04

And me humbling myself and going back to the question the gentleman asked in the chat, you know, do we look at ourselves too much and expect them to read our mind? I looked at that from the flip side to it's like the less I looked at myself, the worse my relationship was, Because I was saboteur muscle, you know, in terms of you know so many other things that I don't want to go down the rabbit hole, but this, this is a conversation, man, that I'm telling you, fellas, man, like I've seen it and I just wrote it down how have we been seeing why men struggled? The question you asked you I was at a conference earlier this year in March, called the Winning Circle Conference, with Dr Myron Edmonds here in Atlanta, georgia, and, man, we did it did. It was for about 500 men. We broke out into separate rooms and we did role playing. And the role playing was what would you say to your father right now, if you had the opportunity, whether you, you had a broken relationship with your father or or me? You know, I'm a PK, I'm a preacher's kid, I've been, you know, my father's alive to this day and he's been in my life, my entire life. Either which way, what would you say to your father right now? And it was so amazing.

Speaker 7: 39:30

The things I wrote down was that I wish you would have taught me more about things outside of the church, about things you know that I gravitated to because I didn't see in the home. I chased women, I smoked dope, I did everything I possibly could that I didn't see at home. Versus many other men were full-blown tears. Gentlemen, you left me, you abandoned me. I, I don't know how to be a man, I don't know how to treat my wife, I don't know how to talk to my wife, I'm numb towards my kids.

Speaker 7: 40:05

So many different aspects that happened in that room and the key word, our pastor, mike gentleman, was abandonment. So look at looking at these conversations with our spouses I, I challenge you, man, you know, look at the abandonment in your life, because even for me, yeah, my father was physically there, but when I really started digging into the abandonment, gentlemen, I was abandoned from a lot of things that I gravitated to, sort Sort of like my brother was saying in the middle, you're gravitating to older guys that have a lot of wisdom and can talk to you about what it is to be married, sustain relationships over time, but abandonment, gentlemen, that's the big one.

Speaker 1: 40:50

Thank you, TR. I appreciate you. Sharing that man, that's good stuff right there. Who's next man? Deep relationships, deep friendships with other men. That appreciate you. Sharing that bad, that's good stuff right there. Who's next man?

Speaker 8: 40:58

deep friendship with other men that's what we, that's where we at right now are we saying is it needed or is it had? What's what's really the question?

Speaker 1: 41:05

well as an adult, do you?

Speaker 8: 41:15

fully embrace the idea of that, and are you doing that right now?

Speaker 8: 41:17

Okay, well, I appreciate what everybody else shared. I got it, thank you. Appreciate what everybody shared. I promise I'm not trying to be polemical, I just I have a different vantage point. Y'all heard this before.

Speaker 8: 41:31

If y'all were on the last one, sorry I'm bad with faces, but if y'all didn't, you know I bring up my orphan story a lot because if you know the orphan kid, you know me. Anything that I do now is an extension of that broken kid that was abandoned. So abandonment I definitely relate to, still affects me to this day. But I got to say I'm different now because when I was growing up I was the only kid that was not in a room with the blood relatives like no brother, no sister, no uncle, no aunt, no grandma, no, nobody. I was the only kid at all times that never had anybody.

Speaker 8: 42:07

So why do I bring that up? That made me obsess over relationships like good ones, toxic ones. I was, hey, we was cool you're my brother for life, you know. Or, if we were cool, you're my sister for life. And I moved like that, I acted like that. I, you know, I took all types of unfair treatment and fast forward, fast forward, fast forward, right. So now I look back and I walked away from like 15 guys that I called my brothers, growing up in a small town called Immokalee Florida. If you don't know Edge and James, or if you don't know the casino, you don't know Immokalee Florida.

Speaker 4: 42:44

But you know.

Speaker 8: 42:46

So all we had was one middle school, one high school. So the people that you seen in elementary most likely you're going to see middle school and high school in that small town. You can hold your breath and drive through it, right? So I gave my life to friendships because that was an extension of a family that I would never have, right? So now I look back and, you know, fast forward and I had to walk away from those friendships. Why? Because I started walking with Christ and they didn't. Now I have many friends now that are not Christians and we get along fine, right. But I think there are certain personality types and certain types of people that feel like you can have the freedom to believe whatever you believe, as long as it doesn't disagree with my beliefs. And I'm going to force you to believe what I believe, but don't force me to believe what you want to believe. To believe what I believe, but don't force me to believe what you want to believe. That was them, and I was like no right, nah.

Speaker 8: 43:43

Any type of friendships, any type of relationship, requires some type of mutual understanding and respect, even strangers. We drive on roads all the time. On the left side is a stranger you're never going to meet. That's going the opposite direction. That's separated by those dolly, by those solid lines. They have a responsibility to stay on their lane. You have a responsibility to stay on their lane, on your lane. So even with strangers there's like a mutual respect. So I'd be, I'd be, I'd be heavened. I almost said something else. I'd be heavened if I'm gonna be in a relationship with so-called brothers or anybody and they're to tell me that I can't express myself in opinion but you can, and then you know. So it got to that dynamic and I said I appreciate the memories deuces.

Speaker 8: 44:26

So the point that I'm trying to wrap up with is I'm not looking for those type of friendships anymore. Like, what did that get me? Like we went to parties, we played Madden, we had some good memories, we played sports Great, it's awesome. I don't care about those friendships anymore. To be real with you, like if it comes in a process of me trying to create some generational wealth for my only blood relative, my son, who turns four in six days.

Speaker 8: 44:56

If it comes in a process of me and my ministry and generational wealth and providing and trying to use my gift that God gave me to reach the people that he wants me to reach in this world. If those friendships come in the process of that, fine, but it's not going to come over madding and games and just talking anymore. It's going to come because we're moving in a direction that God has called us, or our purpose has called us to move, and we happen to have some things and kind like in similar and similar beliefs, or even if we have different beliefs, we're able to coexist in a space and mutually be beneficial to either. Fine, but I just don't look at the best friendships and, mind you, it's hard for me to say because I I love to the end, you know, I mean like it's a detriment, you know, but I just don't have that space in my heart anymore and and I and I just don't. I personally don't believe and and I seen this even when I was younger it might have been my story that caused me to go deeper than most. I haven't met a lot of people that can go as deep in friendship as I can.

Speaker 8: 45:55

I'm not saying that I'm whatever, I'm just saying I go, look, friendship to me is not just about sharing your victories. Friendship to me is saying, hey, I'm Clark Kent in this moment, not Superman, and I need to get this out to my brother. That's not going to judge me. I'm not trying to be no one for the world. I'm not trying to fake it for the world. I'm not trying to fake it for the world. I'm not trying to act like I got it all together. This is who I am, as I am, and this is why I want to see in you but a lot of people.

Speaker 8: 46:26

One don't feel the need to go there, don't desire to go there or don't think friendships need to go that deep, and that's fine, you know I just that that doesn't interest me. Then the superficial type of friendship, you know I mean. So it's like I, I move past that, all this to say, I've kind of moved past the idea of best friends. But you know, great business partners, sure, great. Great ministry leaders or collab, yeah, awesome. But the the idea of friendship, I just I don't know. I don't see it the same way anymore okay, anybody else.

Speaker 4: 47:00

Deep friendships with other men yeah, an area that, um, we had to really learn about and my wife and I did it together. As boundaries and you know, with with boundaries, we found that it was difficult to find friends that were at a similar spiritual level, because that was really our first qualification we were going to have someone close to us, we were going to have someone, or a couple, or even a male friend, female friend for her, that was at a very similar place spiritually. And that's the close-in friends. Because boundaries, you can have a boundary way out there and you do have people that are acquaintances. You have people that are a little bit closer, you have some that are closer and there may be one or two that meet that various qualifications. First of all, they're safe. Secondly, for us they're at a similar spiritual level, we have similar interests. That's hard to find when you start to get those qualifications. We found it very hard to find and some may have two or three out of the five, but it's it's hard to find that much like-mindedness. So it's not that we don't have any friends, we have one or two that are pretty close in, but first of all they have to be at a very similar spiritual level. And one thing that we always say if you stand up on a table and you try and pull someone up, it's really hard, but they can pull you off the table really easily.

Speaker 4: 48:35

So when you have someone at a different spiritual level or not spiritual at all, I'm not saying we don't have friends that are not Christians, because how do we evangelize otherwise? You got to have some. But there's a boundary, right, how close do you let non-Christian friends in? There's got to be a boundary and that's how we've always felt to where we have a relationship with them and we hopefully have opportunities to preach the gospel to them and minister to them and then over time, maybe they'll come in closer, maybe they won't, but we always talk in terms of those boundaries and that boundary. That's in really close. There's not many people there, very, very few, maybe one or two men, I can think of my life that are there, and that's only very recently. Most of my life they weren't are there and that's only very recently, most of my life they weren't. So we it's we're just really choosy. We're just really really choosy with those deep relationships.

Speaker 1: 49:29

No, that's what. Before somebody else jumps in, I want to just shift something real quick and I want to let somebody else, uh, have a shot at this honestly and I I mean this with all, with all due respect I'm trying to be incendiary and get likes and stuff. That that's not what I do, man, I just speak from the heart. It's in New York and it comes out, can't stop it, it's uncontrollable. But there are times as men well, I speak for myself, I won't generalize there's been times where I have convinced myself that me not wanting to have deep relationships and to be vulnerable was kind of my call. It's something that I decided was my decision no trauma, no hurt, no distrust, no unforgiveness. It was just me deciding that I wasn't going to do that anymore because I didn't have to. I had so many other important things in life I need to be focusing on and, honestly, for me that wasn't reality. It's a reality I tried to create, I tried to construct one, but it wasn't reality and it kept me from dealing with the hurt. It kept me dealing with the source of the pain. And when I and I've done that and I say recent enough that it's still fresh I can remember it, but it was recent enough that I realized that you know what the real enemy is, not all that's going on in my life and the people doing what they're doing.

Speaker 1: 50:57

It's probably just how I view myself the lies that I believe, the young person and then my not dealing with the trauma at hand that I was still hurt. I still put up walls because I didn't trust people. That's not what love looks like. Jesus not only sat down but took bread and then laid down and closed his eyes and went to sleep with somebody who was not down for him at all. That's what love looks like. It ain't got nothing to do with how you feel At the end of the day. Love if you break it all the way down, it's a commitment, and when I was committed to being healed and being whole and having valuable deep relationships in my life, you can't believe how I saw it. The same people I was looking at. I can't trust that. I can't open myself up to that.

Speaker 1: 51:49

The relationships they're blossoming right now and what changed? They didn't really change. They're kind of in the same spot they were before. The only common denominator is that I changed how I saw stuff, but just one thought about it could be important. But any other thoughts about the deep relationships and with other men, and are we, are we embracing that? Are we seeing the value of it Even if you're not there yet? Do you see the value of it? Kind of speak to some of that. Before we move on to the next and final thing for tonight, go ahead, I think about this guy, this guy right here.

Speaker 7: 52:20

I think about this guy, this guy right here. I don't know if you can see it, but his name is Victor. He lives out in Los Angeles, california. You probably can't see what he's doing, but he's actually washing feet. His whole mission is called Give Soap Give Soap Like give's called give soap, give soap like give hope, give soap. But out on skid road, him and his wife, they set up shop with buckets and they wash feet of you know the people on skid road.

Speaker 7: 52:57

And I and I'll tell you you're talking about something very touching and this guy was a millionaire. He, he became a millionaire with Airbnbs out in Los Angeles, start living the high life. I made it and then, boom, the enemy crashed him down. He owed people money, just all sorts of chaos, and he said that the Lord, our God, told him you know, I want you to go to skid row and humble yourself and watch speak. And he said he fought with it, fought with it, fought with it and finally he just did it. And, man, to see how his organization has grown is amazing. But I look at that and then that's, that's a guy that I want to know. Man, that's a guy that I want to know man, that's a guy that I want to look at in the face and say, oh, like I've been, I've seen skid row with my own eyes. You know, being around the country, being around the globe as a Marine, I've seen a lot of different places, but nothing I've seen can top what I saw at skid row. And to know that he's out there, uh, sacrificing himself, that's real love and that's what I think about. I think about men like that. There's, there's, as, as chaps was saying, you know, I know a lot of cats that you know are not christian. I know a lot of cats that you know are, are battling internal battles. I'm a coach. So if I look at it from the standpoint of, well, this particular person is this, or this particular person is that, again, am I doing God's will? Because the Lord, as we all know, man, the Lord was bold man, just like every one of us on this call. We're bold and we're learning from each other. And again, you know, I agree with gentlemen up top man, with the boundaries, you know, in relationships. That's something I'm actually trying to work on right now. But all in all, in all, I I'm just looking at it from that standpoint, man, these relationships that we're dealing with cause, let's be 100, man, you know, it's relationships that's ended in the last week. So we often, charlie Kirk, let's be 100.

Speaker 7: 55:19

It's individuals out there right now that, because I rock with Charlie Kirk and you don't rock with Charlie Kirk, I don't no longer rock with you and you talking about individuals that have long, illustrious history together, individuals that are godfathers to, to, to children, you know, and all of these conversations I've been having in the last week and being asked Coach Tio, what do you think? What do you think? And it's like, man, you know, it's division. Whichever way we can look at division, when I look at this screen, I don't see division. Nick doesn't look like me, you know, but again, I love Nick. He's here for a purpose, he's here for a reason. And if he could look at this screen to all the people out there right now that's watching, and he could say man, I love the Lord, I'm not perfect. Yeah, I need a partner that I could talk to, um, um, um. I met a place to where I can't talk to I'm, I'm. I'm at a place to where I can't talk to the wife. I don't know how to talk to the wife. But I could go on and on. Gentlemen, I don't want to belabor, but it's man, this right here, thank you. Thank you, yousef marshall, because I I'll end it with this in philadelphia, a month or so ago, inside that room, we're not philly, but but New Jersey.

Speaker 7: 56:42

Right across the bridge, your wife shout out to your wife, yousef Marshall. She stopped me in my tracks and she embraced me and she said I could see something in you. You have a different type of spirit. And she said and you held back when you were speaking a little bit ago, you got so much more in you and it was like, as soon as she said it, I said yeah, you're right, I couldn't even deny it. But again, it's a blessing to know that. You know, just being able to meet your spouse man and knowing the backbone that you have you self is it's important. So please tell your wife. I said what's up, man, please?

Speaker 1: 57:28

I assume we offer this call. She offered hers. I made it happen, man. She loves you anyhow, man, she talks about you quite often from that, from that time, and she remembers that same word and she thinks very highly of you, brother. So thank you for saying that, man. Anybody else on a deep friendship, uh front, I honestly probably don't have enough time to really, really really get into this and I I I regret that, but any thoughts about it. No, is it the area that you, you think is valuable to you right now? Do you see the uh, the value of having that, even if you don't have it? Do you see it's worth? I mean, talk to me about that a little bit before we get out of here.

Speaker 3: 58:04

Man, go ahead I think it has a. I think it has a huge value. Okay, and particularly, we were just talking about iron, sharpening iron, right? I mean, the way we do that is through community with other men, which man again, wife and four daughters. I cherish man, again wife and four daughters. I cherish men in my life Like I literally cherish and in fact I pray about it all the time. And so sometimes I think it's interesting, when we're open to the idea, regardless of our past, if we can let that go. And I'll give you an example.

Speaker 3: 58:39

A couple of weeks ago I was I ride motorcycles, it's just a hobby of mine, I love it around here in the city and I just wanted somebody new to ride with. I'm like, is there something out there? So I'm going to bed and praying about it and not being selfish. When I pray, I pray for truth, and so I brought up the idea of having another, you know, meeting somebody in my life that I could enjoy motorcycles with. And whatever the truth is is what I ask God for, and no exaggeration at all.

Speaker 3: 59:04

The next morning I have a networking event. I leave the networking event. I have to pee so bad that I stop at this coffee shop which I would normally not have. I'm on my motorcycle, I go in order a coffee because I don't want to take advantage of the place Order the coffee pee and as I walk out, a gentleman walks right up to me and he says, is that your motorcycle outside? And I said, yeah, he's like I parked right next to it. He's like my name's dan. I'm 50 years old and I've never rode a motorcycle in my life, literally just out of nowhere. And is it to look at dan or to hear dan? And I don't know I had.

Speaker 3: 59:34

I could have put my list together and try to kind of filter through that, but I realized like in an instant, like I prayed for this and so I'm going to find a way to participate, because I really think this is, this is divinity and and I did and I have I didn't understand his background and nothing and we sat and had coffee and two days later we rode like two hours up into the mountains together and he's an incredible guy, a lot of honesty. I have a podcast and he told me point blank that he thought my perspective on this particular issue was shallow, not condescendingly, but in a way that men can say that, and I love that I don't need to be in a sound chamber. I cherish somebody with the courage to come out and be like. You know, I think I have this opinion and I'm willing to share it with you, and I'm just like that's amazing.

Speaker 3: 1:00:15

Please tell me more. Tell me why it's shallow. I want to understand because I want to serve people, and if a brother's going to come up to me and tell me something that nobody else is going to have the courage to say to me, then, man, there's a value there that is very hard to replace. That's fair.

Speaker 1: 1:00:31

Yes, sir, if nobody else. If not, we'll move on to our final question for the night. Anything else on the deep friendship thing, I will bring it back next month and the month after that.

Speaker 2: 1:00:53

So you thing I'm gonna bring it back next month and the month after that so you can afford it if you want to, but I think I, I uh, I've got one last little point on here and it's really, um, I think personally I'm going through a struggle because I see and have seen in my life the deep value of it, but also, being vulnerable, I've been deeply hurt and uh, and deeply cut, you know, by allowing people that I thought had my back and then when push came to shove, they shoved me in the back and um, and so it's been tough because it's like man, you know, like Mike says, like you have that criteria, well, these people had that criteria, but they hid that knife that they put in the back of me. Oh, wow, and, and so it's difficult. And I think that, with what Chaplin said and what TO said, and what Adam said, and everything, it all works together. Works together, unfortunately, because that's the way this world is is that we need that, because I've seen the goodness, I've seen the fruit, I've seen how god works through others, because the bible even tells us we have to be in community with one another. We have to with this. This faith is not to be done alone.

Speaker 2: 1:02:02

Yet the sin in this world pushes us to want to be alone because we don't want to get hurt anymore, because vulnerability comes, the unfortunate opportunity for both growth and amazing things that God can do with it. And then also vulnerability brings that chance of destruction and hurt and pain. But we have to remember that, no matter what, god can use all things for good, for his glory and for the good of those who love him, and I think that verse right. There is what keeps me pressing on to go. You know what that person hurt me. Well, you gonna get a boundary, like John said. You know more. You lost that. But now that gives me an opportunity to let somebody else prove me wrong and prove themselves right, and so that's the hope. I maintain that if Christ can be my hope, that there is still hope also in humanity, I don't know that's what I'm holding on to.

Speaker 1: 1:03:07

Oh, I love it, man. That's good man. Final question you guys can keep it to a sentence. You ain't got to go into a lot and anything. But I want to ask this question because I really feel like this is the kind of stuff that the listeners and the watchers are like okay, no, they hear and stuff, but sometimes they want to kind of hear some of the real. You got to do real tonight the whole night, so it's not really a question with that. But what's one area of relational healing you're still working on but you want to overcome it? That'd be prefaced that way to make sure we're still working on it and not just saying I want to want something but I ain't doing no work. So that's why I would preface that way what's one area of relational healing you are still working on but want to overcome? Everybody? Of course, the board may send a sentence. However, you can do it, and then we'll go ahead and get out of here. Go ahead, who's up first?

Speaker 5: 1:03:55

OK, I'll go first Try. One area I would be, would say, is tearing down walls and building that trust, mainly because of past trauma as far as hurt and feeling of the abandonment, holding on to the lie that I wasn't good enough, based on my father not being there and feeling abandoned that I didn't even realize I was holding until June of this year at the men's conference. So that affected all my relationships not even knowing it. So I'm still working on tearing those walls down and allowing people in because I didn't really trust anybody and, like Nick said, I look to Christ in that because if he can have Judas around, knowing Judas was gonna betray him, I I can allow myself to be out there a little bit because sometimes that betrayal pushes you into your destiny. Um, but I'm gonna leave it at that because I don't want to talk too long I ain't dropping my mic.

Speaker 8: 1:04:58

Was too expensive, but yeah, I'm gonna have to piggyback on that brother yeah yeah, you took the words right out my mouth.

Speaker 8: 1:05:06

That's what I was gonna say. Um, I'm that, I am not enough. That's the lie that keeps you playing in my mind and I know now as a therapist that your trauma kind of traps you. Right, that's what leads to you acting the same way in every relationship, because you're trapped in your trauma. You know, and what we tend to do as humans is we're just going to bury and let enough time pass. But I mean you could turn your back on a fire that's burning that in enough time. That don't mean that the fire won't be burning. So yeah, man, I've actually read.

Speaker 8: 1:05:38

I just finished reading this book called victory over the darkness. It's a book about our identity in Christ, but I just got to remind myself that I'm an orphan to God. I'm a son of God and not the biography that he allowed me to have to sharpen me and to mold me to his purpose. I got to remind myself of that and it has followed me in a lot of relationships. In my marriage I never felt like I was truly, really loved. My friendships I never felt like they would love me past what I can do for them. And if you throw being a husband, a father, and all the responsibilities you have to do. That's just based around provision instead of just seeing you and just who you are is enough. It's very, very challenging. So I'm making a conscious effort to wake up every day and tell myself affirmations I am enough. And while I fall short, god has given me another day to kind of sharpen myself so that I can become more and more into his image.

Speaker 8: 1:06:39

So it's tough, though, man. It's tough, and I feel like there's a sense of being hard on ourselves here and um, I just want to speak to that really briefly. Like there is no other relationship that forms neurons in our brain scientifically than the relationships between your parents or your caregivers, like we call it attachment theory in the in the in the clinical field. You've probably heard of that term. So I just don't want us to have like a spirit of man. Why I can't overcome this, or why is this still this? Or why is it still this? It's because there's so many neurons that's been formed for decades. It's hard. It's like some people probably have a habit of drinking coffee. Stop drinking coffee for 60 days, let's see how that works out for you. You'll probably turn into someone that's probably kidnapping people. Give me some coffee. I'm just saying it's hard to break a habit as such as coffee, so imagine the neurons that's been formed in our brain. So I just want us to be a little bit more encouraged and have more grace for ourselves, man.

Speaker 1: 1:07:40

Hey man, good stuff, chap, thank you, who's next?

Speaker 3: 1:07:44

Real quick. When we talk about healing, sometimes it's about changing our perspective. We don't always know what's right or wrong, or good or bad in the moment. Right, people ask me all the time well, is this good or bad news? And I tell them I'm not arrogant enough to know the answer. God knows that I don't. My job is to experience it. So, for a quick example, we talk about Judas. Technically, one perspective is Judas portrayed Christ right. Another perspective is he carried a message that allowed the happenings to occur that were Christ's purpose. If it weren't for Judas, what happens to the crucifixion, what happens to the resurrection, what happens to the ascension? So there's, you know what I mean. So one way is he's a, he's a, you know, a cutthroat, dirty guy. And another way is well, we could say that, but he also facilitated Christ dying for sin. Just a, just a perspective, that's all.

Speaker 1: 1:08:37

Definitely, adam. Thank you, brother. Appreciate that, who's next?

Speaker 4: 1:08:44

One, your dad? Who's next? One of the things that I'm working on is being intentional with my relationships, the relationships that I say are important to me, the people that are closest to me. Am I intentional? Do I reach out to them? Do I prioritize my time? Well, because if they are important relationships, then I need to make the effort and not just wait for them to come to me, which sometimes doesn't happen at all. So I need to be the effort and not just wait for them to come to me, which sometimes doesn't happen at all. So I need to be the one that initiates, that's intentional and puts the effort in to the relationships.

Speaker 1: 1:09:13

So thanks, john. It's good stuff. All right, who's next?

Speaker 3: 1:09:20

Oh yeah.

Speaker 7: 1:09:25

Oh yeah.

Speaker 6: 1:09:26

Oh yeah, no, you go to you.

Speaker 7: 1:09:32

You go first, appreciate you, brother. One area of relational healing I'm working on is simple Listen.

Speaker 1: 1:09:45

It is simple, but we struggle to do it. Oh, my goodness, michael, and it you guys.

Speaker 6: 1:09:54

Oh, it's gonna be Mike yeah it's just communication with, with my, my spouse and my kids, like like intentful communication. John, you hit it right like just tonality. Actually, Nick, you said it too when you were like you know, like I said it like this, but maybe I should say it like this, Like being intentful with the tone and taking that seriously even though it doesn't mean much to me it does mean a lot to my wife, so I do need to be more mindful of that.

Speaker 1: 1:10:28

Thanks for the transparency, Mike. That's pretty good stuff, man. Nick, it looks like you're the one that's going to have the mic before you drop.

Speaker 2: 1:10:37

I was kind of being quiet because I felt like my last comment really was also answering this too, I felt like my last comment really was also answering this too, it's okay.

Speaker 2: 1:10:45

So I'll end on this humor part and I think, tio, you brought it up with community, with communication, really listening, that listening part. This happened today. My wife decides to tell me a story about how, and I don't know, my, my dad just sitting at home, he likes watching, dancing with the stars, and then he they bring up, like these, the, the show, the mormon wives, and I guess there's two on there and I'm trying to recall the conversation. And then she jumped over to a different show where there's another mormon wife on it. I think it's uh, the, the bachelor, or, as you can tell I did not listen that well already, but it's like a subject that I'm like I don't care, I just I don't care about any of that.

Speaker 2: 1:11:36

Like no that matters, but if I really listened, it wasn't about am I interested in these shows and the trash that's on it. That's not what it's about. It's about my wife wants to have a moment of connection with me, even though the subject may be really stupid. It's about the moment with my wife and I missed it and I'm learning that now and that the listening is about the moment with her. The subject may be dumb, really dumb, but that's not how she sees it. She sees it as I have a moment to connect with you in between running around and the kids and you being in your office and this and that, and when you're home and when you're not home, and blah, blah, blah. I want a moment, even if you don't like the subject, it's just a moment I get to have with you and I think that that's what I'm trying to internalize so much more with the listening. So thanks for bringing that up to you.

Speaker 7: 1:12:39

You got well, that's that's what I wanted to say, so you spoke it. Here we go.

Speaker 1: 1:12:45

So that's my, that's my funny show, uh, but heartful story to end this all no, it's good, man, I ain't gonna make the water's muddy, no more this time, I know. I just wanna say this to all you guys that are on this panel even those that are watching and listening, that have been on previous panels or are thinking about doing so just want to encourage you guys, man, that you know there's opportunities to kind of help put this trust thing into action. You know where they are and you can see them. They may not be on the screen, they might be. You guys have to figure it out for yourself, but take advantage of that. Go for it, man. I mean, you don't catch no fish until you throw that line out there. Go for it.

Speaker 1: 1:13:31

And secondly, one of the visions for this podcast, one of the main reasons why I knew was god breathed was because we have an opportunity. Where you live, some of you in Philly, charleston, charlotte area, georgia Y'all walk past three to five men every day and guess what? They got the same kind of issues. You got my prayer, my hope, and I hope that you guys take hold of this and run with this with me. I sure can't do it by myself. You know what I'm saying. It's beginning to start looking at the areas that you're at and start reaching out to one, two, three people, reach out to a couple of people who may be in the same spot and set up a place, an area, even if it's not your home maybe a coffee shop somewhere, the back room of a restaurant, something and begin to start building that, because that's what this is about. That's what we do is once a month and not once a week. We need time to start working. It's about that we talk about. Please give me the opportunity. That's the vision for this show. That's why we're doing this.

Speaker 1: 1:14:34

I don't care if we have a thousand downloads and and a million likes. I'm not in it for that. That's not why we're here. I'm saying every panelist has an opportunity to reach out to some people who are in their neck of the woods, who need what we, what we need and what we're getting. So help somebody else out with that. All right, man, we're out of here. I'm just getting getting this show. Thank you, brother.

Speaker 1: 1:14:57

All right, we'll be getting, uh, a lot of love and comments coming through, but thank you guys just jumping in here and talk about this tough topic. I know we didn't even crack. I probably had three more hours worth of notes in front of me easily. So we're gonna come back and you visit us again in the future broadcast. But thank you guys for all you're doing. Nick, john, adam, rod, mike, chap Tio, love you guys. Thank you so much. Keep on spreading the message. Keep on reaching out and promoting what you've been getting, what you've been receiving. Help those men out. Love you guys. Thanks for doing what you're doing. All the watchers and listeners we're already live. So we're on most of the social media platforms, all the listening platforms. Within the hour We'll be ready to roll so you can hear us while you're doing laundry and jogging and whatnot. Thanks again for watching and listening. Men's Roundtable should be podcast. Thanks, thank you, thank you.